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The Quality Of Your Life Is Not Determined By Doing And Having. It Is Found In The Being

By Tony Fahkry

Get To The Root Of What Is Causing Your Pain

I want you to think about what is taking place in your life right now. Are your actions driven by the impulse to do or gain something? Allow me to explain. A good deal of our activities relates to doing or gaining something in order to feel good about ourselves. Whether pursuing a goal, the emotions generated because of our achievement provide a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment. I'm not discounting the value of goals, I want you to understand that doing and having is not the aim for your life, it comes from who you are as a person. That is: your actions and possessions are merely the vehicles that allow you to experience the wholeness of yourself.

For example, consider how you feel when you achieve a particular goal? No doubt you experience excitement but the underlying feeling is that of an enhanced self-worth? The feelings we experience make our pursuits worthwhile because it validates our accomplishments. Every action produces an emotional state congruent with whom we want to become. Yet, many of us rush about our lives trying to fill a void so we will be happier. However, if something is lacking within, trying to fill a void with material possessions, a person or a situation is like applying a Band-Aid to a headache. We must get to the root of what is causing our pain and realise that gaining objects is a temporary means of satisfaction. Does this make sense to you? For example, are you pursuing a job promotion or a relationship hoping you will be happier once you attain it?

You wouldn't be wrong thinking this way because we are convinced that being in a relationship or getting a job promotion improves the quality of our life. But as you recall, those feelings wear off and soon enough we are looking to the next thing to fill the void. To compound this, we run away from our deepest emotions, especially the dark and scary places we are frightened of. By running away, we put on hold parts of our life we must eventually face. So I invite you to reflect on a current situation you know you must deal with? It might be a conversation with your significant other. It might be a discussion with your boss about how you feel undervalued in your role. Whatever it is, connect with the emotions instead of trying to work out how to solve the problem.

Make Time To Come Home To Yourself

Normally, we needn't try to solve our problems when they emerge but learn to connect with our deepest selves and understand what is simmering below the surface. Problems arise from a type of thinking and if we can learn to think with an expanded awareness, our problems become opportunities, not something to fix. If we lean in to the difficult emotions, I assure you, a sense of inner peace will show up in your life. This is because you are not trying to fix something but see it through the lens of an expanded awareness. This is what author Peter Francis Dziuban refers to in Simply Notice: Clear Awareness Is the Key To Happiness, Love and Freedom when he writes: "Thinking and emotions are what a personality does. Being purely alive and aware is what Life itself does."

There is nothing to run away from when we are comfortable in the darkest places within our psyche. Our true nature is one of wholeness, for we are both Yin and Yang, the darkness and the light comprising the whole. How do you feel about this idea? Is it something you're comfortable integrating into your life? In fact, the doing and having is an extension of being because when you are aligned with your deepest self, all your needs are contained within you, not external to you. So, I want you to devote some time this coming week to sit with yourself in silence. It needn't be a meditation practice, just sit down in silence and be with your thoughts. Listen to them, but don't associate with them. Let them flow in and out of your mind in an easy and effortless way. To discover the true essence of our being, we ought to make time to come home to ourselves and discover the undercurrent of our feelings that ebb and flow throughout our life. These emotions are the trickle of our soul guiding us towards the most joyous and expansive life we could ever live.

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Hi! I research topics such as self-development achievement and mental health. I have a passion to use my life experiences and research to help others reach their full potential.